Should 08 be forgot and Never Brought to Mind?

a year of gloom, a year of doom
a year of disasters, globally, personally

tis' the year in which many on earth had lost much precious things...
I wasn't exempted
in particular,i've lost
my spirit, interests, hope and faith

Faith:
i've lost faith in people long ago, and then this year
i woke up one day
and decided to give up my faith in God too,
yea, in that way it won't hurt so much...

Hope:
Hope is the biggest tool for self-fulfilling lies
i've given up hoping...
no hopes, no disappointments...

Interests :
i've lost interests in all events
happy or sad,they are meaningless to me
in that case, my emotions don't have to ride on a roller coaster....


so,
do not forgive me
if i'm not at all excited about your wedding or your new born babes
do not forgive me
if i'm not upset over your illness or your death
do not forgive me
if i appear to be cold and unapproachable

cos
i'm not even interested in my own well being

if i were told i'm struck with a terminal illness now,
i would be glad that finally, i can say goodbye...
cos i've lost the spirit to live as well...

Funny how within a week, without intention, i happen to watch the Korean drama serial "Thank You" , Frank Capra's black and white movie "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Batman 3-The Dark Knight" in a row...how the stories revolved around the theme that the heroes and heroines never seemed to lose their faith in life and in mankind despite the terrible experiences they've gone through. ...
still, i was not at all convinced.

i've not got any devastating experiences to speak of, so i ought to be grateful,
i ought to cheer, i ought to appreciate ...
ya, strangely,
that's how i started this year's blog: with a thankful appreciative heart
and then along the way,
i found my way to the valley of darkness and
it was a point of no return..

Call me an ungrateful selfish brat, scold me for wasting my life away when many others would love to have it and would probably do greater things with it in this world...
i don't care, honestly....
i don't want to care,
ever wonder why scare is spelled s..care ?
It's scary when you have too much to care...

The only one thing that is keeping me alive,
the only one thing i'm still interested in,
is still
travelling
without worries, without restrictions, without a care...

in fact, if i do have a death wish...
it would be to make one last long trip to another beautiful, unpolluted snow mountain by
a crystal clear lake,
to lay there under a starry starry sky,
and then
say goodbye and breathe my last....
to have my ashes strewn around the mountain and the lake
and my soul (if there is one) resting happily there in eternity



This, had been such a year,
in which all these thoughts had been on my mind constantly for months....
in which my spirit had made its home in a grave yard, buried, deep beneath.

2009....wassup?

见鬼

7.20pm Saturday evening: i was early for work and the back gate to my work place would not be opened till 7.40pm. i sat on one of the stone seats of the recreation club adjacent to my work place, seeping my packet of 'kopi-o', enjoying the cooling breeze.

Soon after, a few members of the recreation club streamed out from the club towards the cars that were parked opposite to where i was seated. i did not pay much attention to them till a short while later, one of the men came over and shouted : "Hey! You! er...Miss...er..you better not sit there! It's so dark already, you know..." and he trailed off and i thought he was concerned for my safety but it sounded more like an order so i replied that i was waiting for the gate to be opened shortly and there's nothing to be worried about.

He then replied that my sitting there had scared his companions 'cos they had thought i was a ghost and repeated that i should not sit there in the dark.

What weird thoughts! It's a very common sight that my colleagues and i sit at that spot while waiting for the back gate to be opened.

"Hey you! Ladies and gentleman, you know what? i think you've really seen a ghost, and you would probably be seeing one everyday, everywhere, 'cos the ghost lives right in your heart and mind!" --before i could finish saying this to them, they have gotten into the car and left.

不是吗？心中有鬼所以把人当鬼，处处疑神疑鬼

for me, from me

今天听到了两首熟悉的曲子，
听着。。想着。。。
就用滇藏线上拍的一些片子做了这。。。


献给

蔚蓝的天空
雪白的山峰
清澈的湖泊
碧绿的江水。。。。

献给

绚丽的深秋
雪后的初冬
清爽的山风
璀璨的星空

献给

抑郁的心情
哭泣的心灵

献给
诗人海子
画家梵高

献给

爱这世界
厌倦世人
的
自己

爱的教育

圣经哥林多前书第十三章里‘爱’的定义是很多婚礼上常被引用的一段美丽的篇章，每每听到这篇章被引用时，我都常想：到底有多少新人真正把这段文字听进耳里，记在心里，应用在生活里呢？

今天参加的婚礼可能是我所参加过最有意义的一场
-虽然
没有华丽的排场，
却有大方得体的礼堂；

没有喧哗的宾客，
却是高坐满堂；

婚礼气氛
轻松幽默自然
却不失庄重，
温馨感人
却不肉麻煽情。

宾客中包括一对新人的亲朋戚友、老师、同学、同事、学生、牧师与教友等；

那段‘爱’的篇章再次被牧师引用。。。。。。 。
然而，这次我真能体会到了文章中的意义。。。。

在新人和一些宾客的分享中，我开心的感觉到这对新人是真正领悟并且已经在他们的人生中应用了‘爱的定义’

我，（我想也包括许多宾客）都被新人对上帝、对家人、对彼此、对朋友、对小辈们的爱感动了。

新郎曾经是我的学生，

今日
他与她的新娘子却都是我的老师

今日
他们为我上了宝贵的一课 ：‘爱的教育’

他们是蒙福之人，因为他们懂爱。

愿他们所爱的上帝满满的祝福他们一生到永远！

1 Corinthians 13 :-4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

From the files....before and after The Accident..

(all photos below courtesy from EL,my travel partner)

This was to be their last meal before the accident. Initially, having had a filling breakfast, they wanted to have a late lunch at Benzilan, three hours from Xiangelila. But having considered the fact that the driver might not be be able to withstand the hunger, we decided to have lunch before leaving Xiangelila, which turned out to be another blessing 'cos thereafter, the victims had had no proper meals till they returned to Singapore.

Every meal on this trip was to be a standard course of 8 dishes with one soup, so this was a sumptuous lunch that day with a little tibetan flavour of grilled Yak meat, yak butter tea and bread like 'ba-ba' (not in pic). We were having a good time joking and taking videos and pics of the meal before we set off from Xiangelila to Deqin via Benzilan.

My travelling partners, though senior in age, are young and cheerful at heart people and i was glad they were in good spirits when i visited them at the rehabilitation centre 2 days ago here. This was a mischievous pose about 1 and half hours just before the accident. The ground, as seen, was wet from drizzle then.

About 2hours later.....

this was where their jeep overturned. Apparently, it spun and lost control, before plunging into the ravine

You can imagine our shock when our jeep turned back to look for them and saw this. After looking anxiously,i was really relieved when i saw all the passengers by the river in the bushes. How the driver cum passengers managed to get out of the jeep is still a blank to them even up to now though they were all conscious at that time, their bones were broken (except for the driver) and the doors could not be opened. It's a guess on their part the driver broke the window glass, got out and dragged the rest out.

The travel agency staff and the local passers-by who stopped and helped....

The ladder-turned-stretcher that was borrowed by one of the passers-by who got it from a village some miles away

By the grace of God, the victims, though clearly in terrible pain and shock, were conscious throughout and not bleeding nor choked with water, neither did they get pneumonia after being in drenched clothes for almost 4-5 hours and lying by the road in cold temperature

The black jacket and some other clothes were given by the people who came to help, themselves not expecting to get the clothes back thereafter, after we' had xhausted all our own jackets and sleeping bags to try to keep the wet injured warm.

The ambulance that finally arrived after ages, some 2hours later, had brakes that didn't work and apparently the hospital sent another vehicle with a mechanic on board to 'jaga' the ambulance while they were half way transporting the patients to the hospital.

The hospital where they were transported to was supposedly the best in Xiangelila;they had no rooms available at first and some patients had to be discharged to make room for the 'foreign' patients. The 'best' hospital did not have a wheelchair available, nor blankets to cover the patients when they arrived drenched; they did not provide hospital clothings nor meals nor much assistance. Much of the service had to be self catered by the patients' family or friends. We were therefore grateful that the travel agency dispatched almost 20 of their staff to help look after the three victims throughout day and night cos just helping to turn the body of one of the victims already required 3 to 4 strong men. The nurses, if they may be called so, also doubled as cleaners and they only cleaned the rooms once a day-in the morning. At other times, the wards were strewn with rubbish (including food remnants) from visitors or even doctors and at all times the toilets in the wards were in the conditions as shown:

The neck brace here was put on one of the victims by the ambulance driver and when the victim was sent for a CT scan, across the road from the hospital, at another building, the doctors there had a big argument about who should take off the brace. Finally, they had to get the ambulance driver to take it off, and i really wondered why????(why the argument? why can't either one of them remove the brace?)

It is a known fact that 关系 or 'connections' is very important for anything to get going in China. Thanks to the boss of the travel agency who seemed to have very good connections with all the right people, the reports we required and much of our requests put across were met expeditiously. We had also visits from the local tourism board directors and the local police also rendered their help. Within short notice, they managed to get the airlines to provide and dismantle 3 seats for the lady who could not get on the SOS flight, as well as a seat for an accompanying passenger, most amazingly, the boss of the travel agency also managed to get the airport to let his men and him into the apron area to help transport the injured lady up the plane ('cos the hospital only provided 2 staff and the airport staff would not have been sufficient)

Comparatively, the red tapes over our side resulting in the delay of the approval and sending of the SOS flight was a real let down....

As the boss of the agency himself puts it, Xiangelila is really a great place to live in, everything, especially the '人情味' (close kinship bonding amongst people) is wonderful but the medical provisions there really cannot make it...pity the locals, especially when they need medical help urgently....

Pre departure blues

The following was my blog on 8/10/2008, just a few hours before i left for the Yunnan-Tibet-Sichuan-Qinghai trip. Reading it now really did seem funny, and how true it seemed that life is truly unexpected, you never know what you gonna get.......i'm truly grateful for this whole trip, for all the blessings showered unto EL and i throughout and most of all, for all the great people and precious experiences we've encountered

Blog dated 8 oct 2008 (unpublished then)

i'll be flying off in a few hours time, again to Yunnan.

It's a 26days Yunnan overland Tibet-train-Qinghai-fly Sichuan route. Not exactly what i had planned since last year but the Yunnan-Tibet sector was what i had wanted to do years ago but did not managed 'cos of costs. What made me agree to go on this 'package' this time i don't know. Could be because i had no time earlier to plan the details of my original trip, could be because of the earthquake in sichuan earlier too. In any case,i'm regretting a little already and wanted to pull out and do my own trip but it wouldn't be fair to the other 5 people coming along.
I wanted to pull out because-
-it's a group in which i only know one member and the remaining 4 have a significant age gap from us. We are gonna stay together throughout the 16days.
-It's a trip that costs much more than if i were to do on my own. In fact it's the most expensive of all my trips in these past 17 years.
-It's a fixed itinerary for the first 16days where i cannot have flexibility to change my plan, my choice of accommodation or eating place as an individual.
-It would mean i would not have the chance to come in contact with the locals which i would if i took public transport and eat in street side stalls instead.
-It would mean i would not get to stay in guest houses with flavours but get put up in characterless 'Chinese' style hotels instead
-It's gonna cost me to miss the best timing for autumn hues in Sichuan.
-Most recently, the earthquake in Tibet might mean i have to miss my beloved Lake Namtso.

so, i wasn't really feeling very 'high' about this trip

but then

i rememebered when i set off for my autumn trip last year, i had been led by what i had believed to be a vision and was really super 'high' about it. When the vision did not turn into reality during the trip, i was for a while quite upset until unexpected encounters with the wonderful people along the way and subsequent great weather became the highlights of my trip and it was one of my most unforgettable trips.

So, i have decided to take the words of erebus with me, 'once on the road, let all that is to happen, happen. Just bring along your heart'.....

yea, and leave all my qualms and expectations behind.

Life is a box of chocolates, you won't know what each taste like till you bite on it.

Blessings in disguise

i'm supposed to be in Lhasa by now, in fact finishing my tibet portion of the Yunnan-tibet overland trip which began on the 9th Oct. Yet here i am, in an internet cafe in Deqin, waiting without certainty for the tibet permit which already had been delayed for 2 days.
The Yunnan-Tibet overland trip had begun with a freak accident on the second day of the trip -the jeep carrying my travelling partners, all seniors of age 47-57 overturned into the ravine 12m below the road they were travelling on and they were all injured, save for the driver.The accident scene was quite horrifying with the car literally overtuned, all 4 wheels up, almost a third of the car was submerged in the river. The ambulance took ages to appear and by the time the injured arrived at the nearest hospital,(which was in Zhongdian aka Xianggelila} it was 4 hours since the accident. The hospital conditions were worse than the worst guest house i had ever stayed in and they had no blankets available to cover the drenched and shivering injured, nor wheel chairs, nor proper stretchers when they were lifted out of the ambulance. There was no assistant staff and it was the people from the travel agency who had to do the lifting of the injured, help out in the x-ray room which was not closed even while the x-ray was taken. The doctors smoked as they walked in and out of the x-ray room and along the corridors.The hospital does not provide meals , not even hot water and the doctors there only work from 9-5.Getting the insurance to approve the SOS flight to come over was another nightmare and EL spent hours throughout the 2days, night and day pressing the NTUC,AIG and SOS before they finally acted. Her autoroam bill will be another nightmare we have to face.
ELand i had put our trip on hold when the accident happened and so all prior arrangements including the foreigner's permit into tibet were cancelled. After the whole ordeal of the accident, we decided to continue with the original plan 'cos the refund would not have been worth it. However the permit has to be rearranged and there was problem now that there're only two of us. Given the tibetan unrest in March, security had tightened and the permit was more difficult to come by. We ahd given the agency a week to apply for the permit while we wandered off to Daocheng/Yading which was originally planned for the end part of out trip. But the permit was still not ready when we returned to Zhongdian 2 days back. And so here i am, not knowing if i'll make it to tibet afterall for time is running out. We were offered other options including using fake local identity cards but we shall see what goes tomorrow...

Although, it sounded a disastrous trip, in the midst of this all, on hindsight, i see blessings in disguise.The first blessing was the car myself, EL, and the guide were on was safe. The second blessing was the water at that portion of that river where the car overturned was not deep. The third blessing was the injured were pulled out in time by the driver;the fourth blessing was they were all conscious and none of them shed any blood, though they had bones broken at critical parts of the body and clearly in shock. The fifth blessing was, EL n i had our sleeping bags with us and this proved a great help in keeping the injured warm while the were waiting for help by the river, in transporting them from the ravine up to the road as well as subsequently at the hospital where there were no proper stretchers. The sixth blessing was EL , she was very quick in calling the s'pore agency, the insurance companies and the SOS even while we waited for the ambulance and her agressiveness and selflessness in pressing the 3 parties throughout the two days must have resulted in the subsequent approval of the SOS flight almost 36hours after the accident.The seventh blessing in disguise was that that the local passers-by at the scene of accident were themselves selfless in helping the injured instead of just looking on. Some went miles to borrow a ladder to act as a stretcher and to fetch a village doctor, some rushed down to help open a route for the transportation of the injured from the ravine to the road by bashing the bushes, some offered to call the ambulance for us, many went down to carry the injured and it wasn't an easy task. The eight blessing in disguise was our local travel agent,who bore all responsibilities and reacted fast by sending out almost 20 of the staff to the scene and at the hospital, the boss of the agency himself rushed down and throughout the ordeal, we saw the amount of effort and initiatives they took to help the injured including bearing all local
hospitalisation costs and the cost of 3 business class seats for the lady who was not accepted by the SOS flight, they also took turns to take care of the injured throughout the day and night in the hospital and truly there was no fault we could find with them. The ninth blessing was that the directors of the tourism board, the traffic police and other high ranking officials also came to visit and through their 'connections' the sending off of the patients back to Singapore was also more or less hastened........

Let it be

Looking back at blog entry on 8 Aug and the few before, i'm quite sure there's a great boxing team here in the dungeon. What goes on in the boxing ring is that basically you try to knock out your opponent with continuous punches,even after he appears to be knocked down, you do not relent but punch harder especially when he shows the slightest sign of recovery.The game is over only when he gets completely knocked out and can no longer stand up at the referee's counts.

i was an unwilling participant in a boxing ring, it's not a match cos i had no chance to punch back at all and every sign of recovery earns me more punches.

Round 1 (first two quarters of the year): knocked real hard. When i was about to show the slightest recovery, comes

Round 2 (in the third quarter of the year), this time,punched with 'concern'. Again i was knocked down, recovery was a little quicker this time 'cos i've a vacation to look forward too.

Just a day before i depart for my much awaited trip, that is today,again, comes

Round 3 (in the third quarter of the year, almost exactly a month after round 2), this time, the boxer's punchline (if i may use this word this way): it's his job to 'counsel' me, to fill in the report, to 'feedback' to the bosses about my 'reaction'....
whoa!! didn't know i was a guinea pig! what feedback, what reaction? He continued to rain punches in the same manner as the boxer in round 2;
his weapons : feedback from the poisonous tongues of my dungeon mates

i'm knocked down again, but the pain is much less now, cos i'm quite numb by now.

Let it be, let all the allegations that comes from your poisonous tongues be.

Let it be that i purposely do not acknowledge your messages, that it's my fault you did not bother to verify if i really received your messages

Let it be that i purposely issue clearances curtly so that you cannot catch it and therefore it's my fault you are unclear about the instruction and it's my fault you do not bother to verify the clearance again with me

Let it be that i purposely do not offer an alternate path for traffic when i'm 'up there' 'cos i have something against everyone of you and it's my fault that the string of outgoing traffic has greater priority for that alternate path cos it's meant for them.

Let it be that i purposely keep myself away from all your 'social networking' 'cos i want to cause everyone stress and it's my fault you have all this to say about me.

Let it be...that the boxer of round 3 is going to submit an adverse report and it's my fault that i couldn't master the art of 'acting' as i have aspired too.

Let it be that i'm a despicable colleague, an incorrigible employee, an irresponsible worker.

Let it be....let it be....let it be...let Round 4 and 5 and so on and your poisonous darts continue to come by when i return from my trip (if i return) for i'll usually return in high spirits, and it's probably the time when you would most want me knocked dead.

Let it be-my feathers, my beak, my talons be all knocked out.
Yet,
i shall not die unless i choose to.

错过了

错过了
再一次

被邀的时候应爽快地答应的
就是
放不下

结果
被她取代了

无怪乎
昨午做了那个怪梦
原来
梦境与时间都是真的
我向往着要做的
她
做了

错过了
缘份
还会来吗?

心
你怎么还没死啊 !

Rebirth of the Eagle

Below is a beautiful slide presentation forwarded to me. It's a pity the author/creator is unknown. i really love it and so i hope its creator will not mind me sharing it here....

REBIRTH OF THE EAGLE

The eagle has the longest life span of its species

It can live up to the age of 70years but to do so, the eagle has to make a tough decision.

In its 40's, its long and flexible talons can no longer grab prey for food

Its long and sharp beak becomes bent

Its aged and heavy wings, due to their thick feathers, become stuck to its chest and inhibit its flight.

Then, the eagle has a choice: DIE or go through a painful process of CHANGE which lasts 150days

The process of CHANGE requires that the eagles flies to a mountain top ............

there...it knocks its beak against a rock until its beak is knocked out;

after that,

it will wait for a new beak to grow.

Thereafter, it will pluck out its talons......

When the new talons grows, it uses its talons to pluck out all its aged feathers.....

After 5 months, finally, the eagle takes its famous flight of rebirth

and

is geared to soar for another 30years!

Many times, in order to survive , like the eagle
we have to start a change process

We sometimes need
to get rid of old memories,
habits and other past traditions

Only freed from past burdens,
can we take advantage of the present, and live life to its fullest.

My personal comments : it's a truly inspirational piece and i truly respect the eagle for its wisdom, its majestic stature and its ability to go through the painful process before rebirth if the account above is true. 40 years is already a good deal of time if it was meaningfully spent. Life has to be truly worth living for me to be willing to go through such painful changes, and at the moment i don't think it's worth it yet .

Updated 6th Oct 2008:

Thanks to Anonymous 1 's comment, i read from the 'snopes' site that the eagle rebirth story is indeed only a myth. (Still my admiration for the king of birds is no less). It goes to show how some people would paint a beautiful picture of life and spur themselves on with inspired myths to go through times where truths are dark and painful.

无良

把毒掺入食物售出
以图从中谋利
官府得知
为保饭碗
为保面子
不负责任
掩盖实情
无良
祝他们身体每个器官都结石哦！

眼看两机向着相撞方向飞行
还降到同等高度
被提醒后仍不作出任何防撞措施
却立刻将责任扔了过来
只顾自保屁股
不顾百人性命安危
无良
祝他下回乘机时没那么好运噢！

无良-- 处处皆是
尤其世界上两大人口最多的民族

i'm gonna miss them all....

i fell in love with it when i first visited China more than a decade ago. Freshly prepared each day, served in a glass bottle, available from the ubiquitous pushcartts that sold beverages around the country.You finish it in one gulp or maybe two and then return the bottle to the hawker on the spot. It's got a rich milk taste, a little sweet and just rightly sour and cost only 1 yuan (20cts) per bottle then.

As the years passed, the cost increased to 2 yuan which was still very cheap. i would without fail gulp down a bottle whenever i spot it on sale each time i visited China. In the recent years after the massive economic expansion in China, the glass bottle was phased out by plastic cups when the big guys took over the business of manufacturing it and so i have to make do with the not so freshly prepared product.

Still, i would make it a point to take a cup each day to aid my digestive system whislt travelling there. I had trusted the the big brands like the Y and the M brands and i was glad when i found their products on sale back here too.

So, when the news broke out that these two brands too are part of those contaminated with melamine, i was really sad.
Sad that i would be missing my daily yoghurt and milk intake during my coming trip to China,
sad that this food scare has spread to all my other favourite brands of choc bars, biscuits, ice cream available here for so long...
sad that there is almost nothing one can trust to be safe for consumption anymore,
sad that greed or is it the unequal distribution of wealth or corruption or desperation has driven humans to harm other humans including babies in such ways.

This world,as XK says is moving towards self destruction by its own doing

Kudos to WOS

Needed a breather
left flat aimlessly
ended up in the MRT
located downstairs,so conveniently
was transported to Plaza Sing
within 15mins

wandered about, again aimless
and
ended up in WOS

might as well
take a look at the long coveted Saloman
'try the size out and check the model'- was my sole intention (pun intended)
'then order thru the internet, which surely would be cheaper'

it's half an hour to closing
didn't expect to be served
to my pleasant surprise came a young, 'kawai-i' girl
who's not only cheerful, enthusiastic and attentive
but patient and very informative

took out at least 5 new pairs for me to try
so i casually took my time, not the least bit shy
'kawaii' enthusiastically explained the diff between each model,
the types of material and purpose
even suggested i take the cheaper Columbia
which indeed fitted better

shamelessly after trying out each pair
i said
"i'll come back again should i decide on the model and brand"
Not a sign of annoyance on her smiley and attentive face
but rather a satisfied expression
as if having just shared her joy about the shoes with a friend

this day was worthwhile
just for the sunshine
she beamed unto me
dispersing my mood
initially stormy and vile

once home, i've checked out the shoes on the web
She may not be all accurate abt the specs
but
she's certainly far from the 'i dunno leh' salegirls
ubiquitous here

The shoes are indeed cheaper
if ordered thru the web
but
i may just return
to buy the pair from her

After all,
good service providers are almost extinct here
and
she's about only the 2nd person i've encountered this year
that i would rate 'Good'

Check out the store, look out for Joanne....'kawaii ne!'

moved.finally.真不是普通的累

pek-chek-ly shifted

teruk-ly shagged out

gek-sim-ly settling in

Relocating..IS a tiresome affair

Relocating with the forgetful stubborn aged and cut throat town council contractors is a triply trying affair

Beginning to wonder....if wiping out the hard earned CPF in exchange for this tiresome affair and
the more trying life later wasn't altogether a foolish move? (pun intended)

i'm actually imprisoning myself longer in the cage where i had tried all my life to run away from...

带着心就可以了

"....有很多这样的人，他们给自己设定了目标线路，尽量囊括最佳时间的最佳景点，并抱以热切的期待,希望看到雪山，希望看到最丰富的色彩。。。口口声声是驴友/背包客，就是要取得最佳的性价比----最经济省钱又最饱眼福。这本无可厚非，但凡事有度，过于强求也就没意思了。事实上很多事情是由不得自己的，一旦你上了路，会发现自己不能决定的很多。你可以去谈价格选旅店，但很多是你不能选择的。想对一个地方了解是需要更多的时间和热情的，而更重要的也许是路上的人和事。因此一旦你上了路，就让那该发生的去发生吧，带着心就可以了。"

this is an extract from a comment to my post in a forum. A few simple but heavily impacting sentences.
Truly,
one can 'control' or choose certain things while on a trip but there are many things we can't control or choose such as weather and natural disasters.
Life too, is a long distance trip, we may have plans and choices but things that are beyond our wildest dreams or control do happen. What's most important may not be the goals we've set but rather the people we've encountered along the way, the experiences that we've had had, the memories that we've shared....
Like the author of the comment mentioned, "whatever that ought to happen, let it be, only bring our hearts with us, wherever we may be..."

smoke gets in your eyes

here's an environment modelled after that of a condominium
in fact, the units here are called 'premium'
the blocks currently are only about half full
the whole estate is still 'brand new'
the foreign workers have done their job deligently
in ensuring the surroundings are pleasing aethestically
yet, you,
yes, you
the ones burning 'hell money' and other 'hell luxuries'
right on the pathways that had been paved so beautifully
Have your recipients or the smoke caused you to be blind
see you not the ugly burnt marks you have left behind?
it's true the town council has yet to provide a bin
but is it too much to bring down your own tin?
this is our country, this is our land
you are my neighbour, my fellow country man.....
pooi!
your uncivic-mindedness , i really cannot stand!
the place you call home you treat it with such shame
it's no wonder when you're abroad, you bring us a bad name
Let it be, the 'Ugly Singaporean' tag
stuck on that back of yours and all who civic-mindedness lack!
but please, confine your ugly behaviour to your very own nest
spare the environment, spare the estate keepers,the ghosts and all the rest...

胡言乱语之魂飞魄散

天葬是藏族采用的一种我个人觉得即环保又极有意义的葬礼。
仪式中天葬师将死者的尸体割成片块，将骨头包括头颅砸碎然后拌点糌粑，跟着召唤天葬台周边的秃鹰来分享这些肉块与骨头。
通常，鸟儿们都会吃得一干二净。而藏人也相信尸首吃得干干净净往生者才能到天堂去。

相比之下，火葬需要燃料，土葬占据土地，水葬有可能污染河流，所以天葬是处理尸体最环保的方法，而将肉体喂食鸟禽，也有一点佛教里‘舍身饲虎’的伟大精神含义。

死后肉身解决了，那么假设真有灵魂的话，灵魂该咋处理呢？

藏人相信秃鹰能将灵魂带到天堂去。。。。

佛教徒相信人死后灵魂仍会转世投胎，然后一直轮回直到修得极乐境界；

道教有修德得道升天或造孽打入十八层地狱永不超生之说；

基督教、伊斯兰教、犹太教亦相信死后灵不是被判永居天堂便是到地狱永受苦。

看来人死后安息也不易。

我就觉得人死后最好是魂飞魄散。

人生
必经的生老病死
一次就够了。
即使今生是多么精彩，不包下回同样幸运，
今生若是痛不欲生那么谈来生更是小生怕怕了。

而天堂地狱嘛，只不过是换个地方过活，搞不好还要在那里头面对你今生讨厌的人与律法一辈子。
没完没了到永远的日子受得了吗？

所以，我觉得人死后不只要天葬，最好也加一掌-
如来神掌，
将其灵魂打到魂飞魄散，
一了百了，干净利落。


btw: skyburial cannot anyhow see without permission from the family or the priest, all the more cannot take pics of the body,else funny things happen like your roll of negatives turned out to be blank for no reason.......

Time ...IS...

RUNNING OUT !!!!

从冷笑话说起。。。

From the internet :

你知道金庸写的 14 本书可以连成一个对联吗？
“飞雪连天射白鹿,笑书神侠倚碧鸳”

你知道J.K.罗琳写的 7 本书也可以连成一句话吗？
“哈哈哈哈哈哈哈”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By the way, 说到“哈。。。”， 今天看到一则关于Daniel Radcliffe (演Harry Potter 的那个帅男生) 的新闻，说他有轻微的dyspraxia，所以不会绑鞋带。我之前只知道dyslexia,现在知道还有dyspraxia,dyspepsia等等。。。
Anyway, after reading the symptoms of dyspraxia from this website :

http://www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/services/ad_symptoms.php

i suspect it's the reason why i also have problem tying my shoelaces; why it took me 2years to learn how to ride a bike; why i could never learn how to skate or roller blade; why i can't help 'tumbling' down a slope; why i used to throw the ball backwards during basketball and handball games in my youth; why i'm the record holder for breaking teh highest number of apparatus in the chemistry lab in my secondary and uni days; why i cna't seem to be able to master typing , and why i keep having problems typing the words "teh" and "lsot"..er..i mean "the" and "lost" etc... and why i get depressed and frustrated easily...

maybe i also have mild dyspraxia like "哈哈哈哈哈哈哈"! ?????
but then again, i have beautiful handwriting
“哈哈哈哈哈哈哈”

忙与盲

忙亦盲
忙得失去了方向

累亦泪
累得欲哭无泪

困亦睏
困得不想挣扎只欲长眠

3 Cheers to 2008!

in an out
of clinics and hospitals
tests, scans and reviews
deja vu
of the years '01-'02
Then, it was for the family
This round, it's me

water...
when it's part of the sea.
it's a source of inspiration to me
when it's part of the lake
it's my sanctuary and oasis
when it's part of essential intake
too bad..it's my nemesis

crystals...
beautiful when adorning the exterior body
Not so attractive when traced in the kidneys

growths...
welcoming when it's your income
troubling when it's internal lumps
4.6cm.....
Not exactly worrisome
yet, significant
Some have it twice the size
and it's not a great cause of concern
some have it smaller,
but unfortunately, maglignant

More visits...more tests...
more diagnosis, more parting of cash
Alerts and alarms, sounding in orchestrated symphony
from one part to another, timed perfectly
Never have the words 'suay' and 'age'
been emphasized greater
than this once in a lifetime year
-the great 2008!

still...
3 cheers for 2008 indeed,
esp.for the women's table tennis!
-for proving that money does make the world go round so that 自家人will meet again to bag both top honours and money
-for ZYN, ever so cool and steady
-for the homemade kimchis, who are in actual fact second only to one race/nation in the world

练功

参与北京奥运开幕礼的所有表演者都一定经过了漫长的严格训练才有昨日那令整个世界尤其是我叹为观止的表现吧？

或许我也该练练功了。

该练练标准的笑脸，
即使面对很讨厌的人也对着他和颜欢笑；

该练练温和的语气，
即使多么不爽不悦也温和的对应；

该练练配合群众要求，
参与道三说四胡扯东西南北的活动；

该练练对问候我好不好的人说：
I'm great, never felt better in my life。 Life is wonderful!

该练练身藏不漏，
禁止让心里的感觉都写在脸上；

更该练练深呼吸
与及
如何控制泛滥的眼泪

是的，
我必须练才行
这是亡羊补牢，
补那个被‘朋友之间的关心’所造成的名誉损失
即使可能已经来不及了。

也只能望公司里尊贵的阿哥阿姐们能高抬贵手与贵舌，
放我一马，把箭收起留着下届奥运时参赛用吧。

我会尽快尝试练成符合你们要求的‘标准表现’，
可也必须给我时间哈！

毕竟我不是天生的演员或像你们这样的功力深厚。
这对我来说简直是比李宁在空中绕场点火炬还高难度的挑战。

但我会尝试的，只愿谢幕后还能找回真我。

All the world's a stage, and men and women merely players
[William Shakespeare in 'As You Like It']

Concern?

本来已收拾好心情积极准备十月的旅程，带着心平气和的心来工作，却又再遭一箭攻心---真是暗箭难防啊！

工作到一半，上司要求见我：

说:

有好几位同事向他反映我最近非常不妥，似乎碰上了问题又没能看得开，和同事之间既不来往也不打招呼，更糟的是工作态度很不合作并且造成大家运作上很多不便，甚至可能会危害大家，还说我一下班就立刻走人，
说我的工作态度是只做够基本要求不愿付出更多：他举了一个同事们向他举报的例子，
那例子让我倍感生气，明明是让小人之心冤枉了我！

我不知几位同事们还向他‘反映’了些什么，总之他强调我不该‘误会’同事们的用意，说同事们包括他都是出自于‘一片朋友之间的关心’，只是想让我与大家分享我的烦恼，不要玩自闭。

听着听着，言下之意是怕我影响工作影响大家的心情。。。

‘朋友之间的关心’- 真好听的名词儿。

‘朋友’会在你背后向你上司这样反映的吗？说什么他们不知怎么跟我开口才向上司反映，希望他能开解我。

哈哈哈哈！

如果所谓的朋友不知怎么跟我开口不知如何开解我，难道那个我难得和他碰面的上司就能吗？

明明怕我死不了拖累了他们所以索性再摆我多一刀，玩死我吧？

或是我不带微笑的语气和难看的脸色得罪了他们吧？

他们这么地向上司‘反映’，后果是什么，他们会不知道吗？

上司最后再三叮嘱：如果我什么时候觉得不能胜任了就要马上通知他。 看来我的饭碗真的快砸了。

我不怪上司， 他若是不知者皆无罪，但既然有人向他反映了而日后我出了篓子他就得负责任了，所以他得先发出声明，也可能从今天起他得常常暗中盯着我，不过他也不愁没人向他打报告吧？

可悲的人生啊。。。

我只是要默默地做我的工作，不想参与是是非非没天没理的事，这就叫：antisocial behaviour

不打招呼不笑颜迎人不答应就是 ：not responsive, resentful

不想多开口因为我知道也讨厌我的容易激动容易哭就像刚才上司找我见他一样，情绪波动眼睛泛红接着就哽咽难说话。

为什么他们口口声声说‘怕 antagonize' 我却又要在我工作的时候射出每支箭？
之前的两封Private & Confidential 加上这一次都是在我工作一半时发的，让我情绪没平稳之前，还得继续保持冷静工作，太残忍了！

人言可畏！ 披着羊皮的狼儿们更可畏！假借‘concern' 为名发出带毒液的蜜糖毒箭更是可耻。

我只不过想混口饭吃罢了，用得着对我落井下石吗？
我不想对一些不明事理的人多啰嗦我的心情与感受，以免他们到处反映成为茶余饭后的话题，更怕自己若敞开心里话就会激动得无法工作，只是这样而已，需不需要要这么集体在背后攻击我呀？

我即使烂也不会对朋友做这种‘向上司反映对朋友关心的事’，
即使再糟也会知道在我手里的是人命，不会因为发泄情绪而让大家陪葬。

是因为我不像从前的我那么友善而看我不顺眼，觉得我不合群我会危害大家吗？

如果我本来就是这样的你们又会这样子看我吗？

黑洞里可能危害群众的人多的是，怎么不朝他们开刀去？

是朋友的就让我安安静静的过活。

别让我在平复心情后又一波一波的冲过来，

别让我在黑名单或白名单上榜上有名，我不博出位也不要被践踏，
请求各位阿哥阿姐们不要把我卷入你们的‘践踏别人让自己上位’的计划里，拜托！


黄药师不削人间世俗的荒谬而断然隐居桃花岛我行我素却被封之为‘邪’，难道他真邪吗？

我本向往着下个出游计划里的蓝天白云雪山湖泊的漂亮心情，原本期待着回家看奥运开幕礼的兴奋，
一一被砸了，

被‘朋友的关心’砸了的。

如此‘朋友’？ 阴啊！

有某种人，只能在地上用木屐拍打他的名字而不能得罪他，偶三生有幸得以与这种人共事

080808

T'is 080808 today, a once in a century occurence, it seemed. The last time it was 080808 was in the year 1908 , a century ago and the next time it will be 080808 will be in the year 2108, a century later.

As such, many cashed in on this so called 'auspicious' day (as many chinese would believe it to be since the number '8' is almost homonymous to 'prosperous' in chinese) -hence the opening of the Beijing Olympics on this day and, here in our homeland, we have the grand 8million dollar Toto draw.

i have always loathed Toto and 4D. i remembered having no money to pay for my school fees when i was a kid because my father had spent all his money betting on 4D and so even though my entire family still indulge religiously in punting on these every week, i've refused stubbornly to participate.

However, i do once in a blue moon, when asked by my colleagues to pool for a particular draw, oblige. Even that , is probably once in a few years and my part is only to hand over the max $5 i'm willing to part with. i have never known how to 'buy' Toto or 4D on my own for that matter.

Today, however, i've walked into a Toto outlet, and placed my first personal solo bet on Toto.

i've no inspired numbers, cos i've only decided to queue because i was early for work. The queue was long and i waited almost half an hour before i got to the counter. Whilst queuing, the older lady behind me was giving a lesson on how to play Toto and 4D to the 2 younger ladies who were with her,and it gave a green horn like me a better idea of what to do at the counter. Obviously she's a seasoned punter, betting on every possible inspired number such as the number of people in the queue to the number of minutes she had been queuing.

A man walked past and made fun of the people in the queue saying something like : wah, free one, sure win one hor!
The punter behind me was angry and retorted but i actually quite agreed with the man's mockery. Indeed, the length of queue would easily suggest some free good is being distributed or that it's a sure win draw.

i've always believed the big sweeps, toto sand 4Ds are but legalized big money making scams. Still millions fall for it, not because it's a sure win, nor that it's free, but for a hope, a hope to get them what they want, be it a home, a marriage, a business, a title, an education , a car, a clearance of debt,.....etc

i've never believed in wasting money down the drain for such hopes. But, today, driven by a desperation so great,i too, like many of those in the queue, queued and walked into the outlet to pay for a hope. The desperation to be freed from having to remain in a job environment i dread and to be freed from all financial burdens i've to shoulder, so great it drove me to do something i've loathed doing for all of my life- pay the price of 2 lunches for a tiny piece of paper that could mean a change of destiny for me or yet another hope crushed.

080808, ‘定发定发定发’-meaning thrice , sure strike, may it be an auspicious day too for me, i am desperate.

In memory of a dear friend 忆亡友

2 years ago this day, Mg was found dead at the bottom of a block of flats in Clementi, far away from where she lived. I was told that next to her body was found the bible - the Word of God.

Mg was my JC mate. We had clicked well in JC because we had similar backgrounds and interests. She had beautiful sparkling eyes, rosy cheeks, freckled from too much outdoor activities, and an ever mischievous smile. Despite the problems in life she had to face from time to time, she had always displayed a positive, cheerful disposition, always putting her trust in the God she had known since she was born. We had kept in touch on and off all through the years even after we've left college and went on to different varsities , even after we went on to work in different fields. She was one of the only 3 people whom i have invited to attend my baptism.

She was an engineer by training but found her calling in teaching autistic kids so she had resigned from engineering to take up a course in special education at her own expense, went on to take a huge pay cut to teach in one of our special schools here. The job was , as imaginable, challenging and possibly emotionally draining but she had found it worthwhile enough to continue for almost a decade. We lost touch about 3 to 4 years back and then,about 2 years ago she contacted me and told me she had resigned to take a break from work. We met several times after that, and she told me she was looking for another job; meanwhile she had sold her flat, splurged on a new car, went travelling and scuba diving several times and was basically 'enjoying' life. i did at that time, found her extravagant lifestyle a little unlike her but thought then she really deserved a good break.

However, something did worry me the last two times we met: her mood swing was swift and apparent, from enthusiastically talking about her next planned diving trip to complaining at an almost paranoid level of noises caused by her ex-neighbour--she was sure there was a conspiracy by her ex-students, ex-colleagues and ex-neighbours to disturb her at her old flat, so much so she had to sell it. Her bitterness towards her ex neighbour and colleagues were so evident and her sometimes incoherent story worried me. The more worrying thing was, i noticed drugs in her car that were meant for schizophrenic patients. (i know someone taking the same drug). But i didn't dare probe her about it. i also did not bother to call her up to find out how she was doing when she didn't contact me for almost a few months after we last met. Afterall, she had still seemed rather cheerful and was talking about her next diving trip.....

And then, news came about her death, i couldn't believe it. i sms-ed her, hoping in vain for a reply but to no avail. Finally, i called up the source of the news and found out even sadder news-

-the family had not known when but Mg had suddenly shown a drastic change in personality, had had frequent quarrels with the family and had accused family members of doing things behind her back, so much so she had fallen out with all of them, including her beloved nieces whom she had adored.

-she had also distanced herself from the groups of close friends she used to hang out with and instead started to go on trips with strangers
-she had been putting up in her car at night as she had no where to go after selling her flat and falling out with the family;
-she was terribly angered when the family suggested she visited a psychologist or counsellor;
-nobody in her family knew if she was mentally ill or emotionally traumatized and nobody knew why she had chosen to end her life that way;

The thoughts that had come to my mind since then were:

-what was on her mind before she jumped?
-if she was truly suffering from a mental illness, was her mind clear when she jumped? Had she decided to end her suffering or had she been affected by 'noises' prompting her to jump?
-what had she gone through that had caused her to contract such a torturous disease?
-would it have helped if i had confronted her about the drugs, been more concerned about her state of mind/health and brought it to her family's attention?
-where was God the moment she jumped?

i had not been able to resolve the answers and i had felt a sense of guilt all these while, so much so i did not have the courage to attend her wake nor to pay respects to her at the church crematorium during her death anniversaries. It takes a lot of courage to choose to end your life by jumping from a block of flats, Mg WAS a courageous and plucky girl but i didn't in my wildest dream expect her to use her courage in such a tragic way.

She was only in her thirties.....

Our society needs to provide greater support, resources and help for patients suffering from mental illness and their families.

Lost, again

撞鬼囉！（广东腔）

又不见东西！怎么频频丢这失那儿的？

不是心不在焉啊？已经很注意了，因为年头已经掉了一副，而今年又是财物损失颇多的一年，真的有时不时在留意的，还是在不知什么时候不知哪里不知怎么掉了。。

唉！

广东人说的：真係撞鬼囉！

听说鬼门关好像过几天才开嘛！想必人间地府的官兵都是一样的素质吧？我们这儿逃‘马’， 他们那儿也难免漏鬼了吧？

i should but i'm not gonna

i should start packing cos the buyer wants to move in asap.
i should call up the insurance agent to sort out mum's policies.
i should talk to HC abt not renting out his place to #$%...
i should make another report at another station abt the burglary since the officers who came the first round were slip shod with the whole thing.
i should call up the individual companies to request for a duplicate of the documents that were stolen.
i should go check on my flat on my off days.
i should make the contractor bear some responsibility since it was his lock on the gate and it was still locked after the burglary.
i should go for the ultrascan as advised by the doc.
i should return asap to the dental surgeon as my tooth still hurts after the root canal therapy.
i should call up HR to ask for an explanation of 'not eligible'

i should but have not done and not gonna do all the above. i don't want to face anymore unpleasantness, confrontations,disappointments, things that are gonna make me feel worse than what i am now.
i just want to hide in my cocoon, bury my head in the sand, live my vapid life...

yes ...i'm an escapist.

礼拜天的噩耗

30/3 礼拜日 ：噩耗-
[Private & Confidential] ..We regret to inform you..... you are not eligible....

15/6 礼拜日 ：噩耗-
$200 vouchers disappeared from my backpack

22/6 礼拜日 ：噩耗-
drainange pipe choked with cement in new flat

13/7 礼拜日 ：噩耗-
$2000 LCD TV plus documents stolen from new flat

20/7 礼拜日 ：噩耗-
[private & confidential]...we regret to inform you....
you are not eligible.....(deja vu!)


礼拜日，感谢上帝赞美上帝最多的日子，却是我噩耗连连的日子，为什么？

One of my all time favourite song- 《歌》

罗大佑——《歌》
原诗作者是 Christina Georgina Rossetti，英国诗人Dante Gabriel Rossetti的妹妹。1928年，徐志摩将此诗翻译成中文；1974年，20岁的罗大佑 以此为词，为刘文正的电影“闪亮的日子”电影创作了《歌》，这是他第一首公开发布的创作作品，张艾嘉、孙越、林慧萍曾先后演唱。随后他又写下了《闪亮的日子》(1976)。1989年，这两首歌均收入《闪亮的日子》专辑。

When I Am Dead, My Dearest　
by　Christina Georgina Rossetti　　

When I am dead, my dearest,　　
Sing no sad songs for me;　　
Plant thou no roses at my head,　　
Nor shady cypress tree;　　
Be the green grass above me　　
With showers and dewdrops wet;　　
And if thou wilt, remember,　　
And if thou wilt,forget.　　
I shall not see the shadows,　　
I shall not feel the rain;　　
I shall not hear the nightingale　　
Sing on as if in pain;　　
And dreaming through the twilight　　
That doth not rise nor set,　　
Haply I may remember,　　
And haply I may forget.


歌　　翻译：徐志摩　　

当我死去的时候
亲爱　　
你别为我唱悲伤的歌　　
我坟上不必安插蔷薇　　
也无需浓荫的柏树　　
让盖着我的青青的草　　
淋着雨也沾着露珠　　
假如你愿意
请记着我　　
要是你甘心
忘了我　　
在悠久的坟墓中迷惘　　
阳光不升起也不消翳　　
我也许 也许我还记得你　　
我也许把你忘记　　
我再见不到地面的青荫　　
觉不到雨露的甜蜜　　
我再听不到夜莺的歌喉　　
在黑夜里倾吐悲啼　　
在悠久的坟墓中迷惘　　
阳光不升起也不消翳　　
我也许 也许我还记得你　　
我也许把你忘记

Source : http://bobov.live.spaces.com/blog/cns!950C87D6651E80AE!1456.entry

Youtube : Song sung by Tarcy Su Hui Lun (i would hv preferred Sylvia Chang's rendition)

我想，我快死了

我想，我快死了
心痛死的
两千块的电视机
还没来得及开机就被盗走
心痛死了

我想，我快死了
被风凉话冻死的
“新房子进贼哈，贵重东西不要放在这儿嘛！
只是丢了电视机，算好了！”
凉呀凉呀凉，凉死了

我想，我快死了
被刚学会飞的小鸟害死的
马马虎虎糊里糊涂的工作态度
一不留神
会遭池鱼之殃


我想，我快死了
被自以为是的老鸟吓死的
铤而走险投机取巧
一不小心
殃国害民

我想，我快死了
被隔邻不太懂鸟语的笨鸟气死的
沟通若出问题
祸可大可小
说到吐血都未必明白
气死了

我想，我快死了
被空中的霸王别机整死的
无理要求不知死活乱闯禁地
费尽精神救它无数命
着地还摆你一刀


我想，我快死了
被累死的
左看幼鸟，右防老鸟，前有霸王，后有鸟人
还得顾自己
累死了


我想，我快死了
为某家人忧心死的
麻烦事儿接二连三
忠言却逆耳
不懂好自为之
让我忧心死了

我想，我快死了
牙痛死的
牙齿裂了个缝
等不及做手术
痛死了

我想，我快死了
心理不平衡死的
物价一涨再涨薪水却下调
对比不相称
心难平


我想，我快死了
脏死的
久不见雪山湖泊
忘了啥是纯朴善良
心灵乌烟瘴气
脏死了

我想，我快死了
被刺激死的
一击再一击
翻身还没来得及
受不了刺激死了

Burgled

"what else is missing?"

"the warranty cards for ALL my appliances in the house"

" aiyah,those are documents...."

" yes, but they are very important to me, without which i won't have any warranty for ALL my appliances"

"ok, ok, Sergeant P, take note"

"so, you are not taking down the model and serial number of the tv? IF they attempt to sell it, you might be able to trace it cos the serial number is unique"

"er...ok...Sergeant P, take it down."

"so , you are not interested in taking any finger prints?"

" it's NOT that we are not interested, but there're no leads"

" what about the padlock? Surely there are fingerprints? "

" yeah, but it would have already been tampered with, so many people had touched it, including yourself, the contractor, the thieves...and anybody..."

" what about the cabinet door, they took the stuff from inside too"

"But yourself and the contractor also opened it after that"

" what about the wall? Look, the brackets that were there were dismantled and removed, surely they would have left fingerprints? and the cables...myself and the contractor did not touch those..."

" no use lah, the wall surface too rough cannot dust for prints, the cables...not likely lah"

"what about the cigarette ashes at the door step, they are new, can u get a lead from there? or the locksmiths...they are all registered aren't they? is it possible to find out if any one of them had been asked to open this lock the last two days?"

" er...madam...i don't think so...look, we will treat your case as serious as all others, rest assured we will try to find out who are the culprits...."

"so can you tell me what are you going to do?"

" sorry, we can't but there is a trend of burglary at flats in new estates, you shouldn't leave valuables in the flat if you are not moving in yet.......maybe you can check with your credit card company if they have insurance coverage on the items purchased using their cards? at least you might recover some of the losses since you do not have other insurance coverage?..."

And with that, our dear officers left, without asking questions from the contractors or workers who are working on other flats on my floor, without being very interested in fingerprints, nor look closely for possible clues left behind by the burglars who had stolen my $2K LCD TV which had barely been in my flat for more than 10days.

i would not say i have a lot of confidence that the culprits will be caught after the statement taking. The statement was not written by me but interpreted by the officer from his own understanding of what i have related which wasn't absolutely accurate like when asked if i suspected anyone and i told him whom i did but with some reservations he ended up writing on the statement that i suspected no one. i was asked to sign it with some impatience from his part.

Then when i asked to have a copy, he said i can't and i'm baffled. Why can't i have a copy of MY statement signed by ME ??? They did not seem very interested in the case too, probably because there're so many such "kucing kurak" cases everyday....but its the first time in Singapore i got burgled and the amount lost is big enough to me to break my heart. What made me madder is that the audacious thieves actually turned on my air conditioner during the break in and left it on till we discovered the theft!!!

OH!! How i would like to punch their noses when they get caught!!

蜗牛为何背着它重重的家四处流浪？ 只因盗贼猖狂，官兵懒散，只好时时把家带着以防失窃。。

'Sold'

'Sold'-- or sort of, to the guy who had called yesterday to make an offer without even having to view our place. His wife and he couldn't wait till tomorrow for the decision to be made and came down with their agent today to try to persuade us to close the deal. My entire family, especially my father was bought over by their very very sweet 7yr old daughter (potential Ms Universe /Superstar look). In fact, that was one of the key reasons my parents decided to give the deal to them, plus of course the very affable and generous character of the the buyer who increased his offer by another $3K without us even asking.

So, who can resist the two greatest temptations to men: beauty and money?

The OTP was signed.

The other family who also needed the place urgently was really very disappointed, to the point that made me feel a little guilty.....may they find a suitable place within their budget soon too.

Hot Property

Finally decided to sell it.
Expected no problem getting a buyer but didn't expect it to be such hot property. My parents hit a treasure when they got this place 21years ago, so conveniently located to so many amenities and the best school in the whole estate plus we are at the lift landing and have one of the biggest area for our room type.

Only just posted on the free listing on the HDB website in the morning and within half an hour, i received 6 calls, and by the afternoon almost 10.

2 came to view the place this evening and 1 will be coming on sunday evening. Another, straightaway offered to close the deal at my asking price which was $15K above the valuation price and even pay for all agents' commissions without even the need to view the flat. Then another one who came to view the flat in the evening with her family also offered the same terms.

Now, i have 2 very keen buyers who really looked genuinely in need of the place desperately for their kids, both in primary school. Thing is, they did not up the offer further. I didn't want to commit either and did not ask for any deposit. Afterall, it's only the first day.
My family were greedier than i thought and blamed me for not asking for $30K above the valuation price. How could they have the cheek? Ours is not even renovated and already 21years old. And we did not even bother to tidy up or repaint the flat, so it looked really quite unappealing , at least , to me. Still, there were parties interested enough. i guess God's favour is upon us.

Well, a check on the website of the history of transactions in the last 3 months of the flats around my area showed there were indeed people selling their flats at prices (25K to 30K) way above the valuation but not in my block though. i'm not sure if i should ask the two potential buyers to up their offer further cos they are already paying quite a lot after the agents' fees and GST and other miscellaneous stuff. But, else, how should i decide who to sell it to? Both have their soap opera stories and reasons that sounded pitiful...

Hmmmmm, i said i'll get back to them by Sunday, i pray i'll make the right decision by then.

Hiccups

God loves to play jokes, this is what i've concluded. Just a while ago i was thanking Him for minimal reno problems only to encounter a major 'cock-up', er i mean choke up.

Someone, either the HDB construction workers or the guys who laid the cement base for my kitchen cabinet had disposed of cement into the drainage pipe in the kitchen. You and i know the consequences; i wonder if the culprits knew, if they did and did it, then they must have really hated me, or they could possibly have been hired by 'Just for Gags' !!!

The thing is, the cement in the drainage pipe wasn't discovered when the plumber came to relocate the piping for my sink; it wasn't discovered when the kitchen cabinets were constructed; it wasn't discovered when the sink was finally mounted and most of the reno works completed.

It was only discovered when i tried to wash some stuff at the sink yesterday and the whole sink was choked.

The fact that the pipes had been relocated and the cabinets were all built in makes it very difficult to access the choke area which is below the floor. As far as the plumber and i are concerned,we are both against tearing down the cabinets to resolve the problem, but that may just have to be the last resort. Chemicals were poured in in a lame attempt to get rid of the cement chemically, steel wires were poked right in to loosen the cement, we even went to our neighbour's flat below to see if we could dismantle the pipe from their flat to clear the choke up above but alas their pipes too are well concealed behind the kitchen cabinets. The plumber was not able to say what's he gonna do, i'll just hv to wait.....patiently.

Then, on the very same day, another bloop.

Some furniture ordered a month ago from Novena Furniture was due for delivery yesterday. To my disgust, the furniture arrived short of a TV console. Nobody had called to say nor explained why it was so. When i called, i was told that the shipment had been delayed and the console would only be expected to arrive in another one to two weeks time. That, would greatly affect my plans as my TV was to arrive this weekend and to be mounted by the delivery people which means the console would have to be here in order for the tv to be positioned properly on the wall for the mount.

If i were to delay the delivery of the TV for one to two weeks, i would stand to lose a smaller LCD TV which i can only redeem when the bigger TV is delivered. If i choose not to mount the TV upon delivery, i would hv to pay for my own mounting of the TV later. All this means i have to have my console by this weekend so that i could hv my TV delivered and mounted on time.

After presenting my problem to the Novena staff, i was furious when he had the cheek to say : "aiyah! hang the tv on your husband's neck lor!"
i gave him a shelling and told him this is not the time to joke, that i was adamant to hv the console by this weekend and if Novena is unable to deliver on time, then i would hv to cancel my order and get a console from somewhere else. He said he does not have the authority to allow me to cancel my order (i've already paid up fully), and offered that i go down to select another model instead. Even if i had accepted that, the new model i were to select would also not be able to arrive by this weekend. i insisted on speaking to the manager but he claimed he's the only person around then. Finally, after a lot of shouting (on my part), he offered to lend me a console that would be similar in dimension to the one i ordered so that i could proceed with my TV mount but that's provided he can find one. He would get back to me today. Well, let's see.

Moral of the story: don't buy anything from them! A poor rotten show they've put up:--One whole month had passed since the order was placed and delivery date confirmed, yet they did not bother to inform the customer, not even on the delivery day itself when the shipment was delayed. What if i had a housewarming party planned the next day?
-Then, the stupid joke made by the staff at a time when the customer was already boiling mad!
-Next, to claim there's no management or supervisor around to handle the matter was really quite lame. Not allowing me to cancel my order when it's gonna be delayed for another one to two weeks (they couldn't even give me a date) was really unreasonable.

Now, what do i do? Wait patiently for the plumber and the Novena Furniture to get back to me.....

Thank you Lord

I've forgotten to be thankful for quite a while,
and this day, i've been gently reminded to do so in my heart.

Thank you Lord for SPs that helped me to take some ad hoc leave to do the so many things i need to do.
Thank you Lord for keeping me away from that ubiquitous flu.
Thank you Lord for a new home in a beautiful setting, located most conveniently,
within minutes walk to the food court, supermart, ATMs, schools, shops, and MRT.
Thank you Lord the renovation is almost completed and problems were minimal.
Thank you Lord, i have a nice responisble contractor
who has a team of relatively ok co-workers
Thank you Lord, for old old friends (who still look very young lah)for sparing precious time and manpower to help..
Thank you Lord you'll grant me the wisdom to resolve the current dilemma.
Thank you Lord, for with you, all things are possible,
Thank you Lord, for you said to cast unto you all my cares and my burdens because you care...

Reno woes

The last time we had a change of address, i was only a JC student. I have absolutely no memory of being involved in the renovation of the flat that we were to move to then; the only thing i could recall was my great reluctance to leave the 2-room flat we've lived in for almost 17years to move into a flat in a yet-to-be developed new town. i don't seem to recall my parents having any problems with the reno either. All they did was to let the contractor who was touting below the new flats do the job and, i must say, he did a good job 'cos we had had no problems with the flat for the last two decades.

It's time to move again. This time round, however, i am the only one handling the whole process: from applying for the flat, to collecting the keys, to sourcing the contractor for renovation, to deciding on what and how i want the flat to be done up , to looking for all the items needed. It's really a great deal of stress and very time consuming when you are on one man operation.

Being ignorant about interior design, materials and their durability, suitability, quality and market prices, i have to do a lot of last minute research, shopping and listening to different opinions from contractors and salesmen who have their own agenda. It doesn't help that in my current home which was simply renovated, there're no curtains or blinds 'cos we don't need any, there ain't false ceiling or L-boxes or downlights, there are no air conditioners, no ceiling fans,no built-in wardrobes or built-in cookers......so my experience with all as such is really zero.

Just as with any normal purchases, there are choices available and we have to weigh the suitability, the aesthetics, the cost before we finally make the decision on which to buy. In this case, there are so many items i've to make decisions on i suspect many erroneous decisions were made hastily.

First, deciding on the contractor: i've spoken to and asked for quotations from about six and finally decided to let a kitchen specialist take care of the kitchen while another contractor take care of the rest. Thereafter, i've to choose :

-between L-box or false ceiling, the design and area to be covered
-the type and number of lights : cool white, day white, warm white or what else, and their positions

-the number of switches, their positions and whether to have dimmers or not..
-the type and brand of air con:-inverter or non, the layout of the trunking, the thickness and brand of rubber insulation plus the diameter of the water pipes....
-the layout of the kitchen: positions of the cooker, the hood,the sink, the fridge,the cabinets and shelves taking into consideration the positions of the pipes, the electric sources,the beams and walls and the cramp size of the kitchen; the type of counter top: granite, acrylic, resin, postform..
-the width of the kitchen drawers and cabinets, the colour coordination
-between window panes or grills for the service yard and if window panes: what type and number of glass panes...
-the colours for each room which has to match some of the furniture i've already ordered and the theme i had in mind....
-brand of ceiling fans, with remote control or not, with lights or without
-the type of heaters: gas or electric, if electric, insant or tank and which brand...
-between curtains and blinds; if curtains: the type of materials: block out, dim out, day curtains, night curtains and the type of rail: powdered aluminium or wooden rod, clip, hook or Velcro....if blinds : venetian, bamboo,wood, roller or Roman;

and there are still a whole lot of things i've yet to settle, the furniture, the household appliances the shelves, bathroom accessories......

At the end of the day, after i've come up with a conceptual idea of what i want for each area, i have to compromise a great deal when the contractor/kitchen specialist advised against some of my ideas citing reasons of impracticability, high cost and non viability. So i have to make adjustments to my fanciful ideas and choose between costs and dreams. When the final decisions were made on the colours, the layout, the design, the type of items for each area, i was still , up to that point, quite pleased with the plans.

However, reality always differs from idealism. The resulting effect was not quite acceptable and i realised my inability to visualise had a great deal to do with it. This has impacted me quite badly as i draw parallel of this lack of visualisation with my vision of my life and future.

Some decisions in life are reversible and some are not. In the case of my house reno, all things are reversible or amendable but at a price which i'm yet willing to pay. So i've tried to convince myself to accept the things which were results of my error, and i'm even slowly beginning to think it's actually not too bad after all....
maybe, just maybe, like marriage, you might at some point of life think you've made the wrong choice, but it's a lifelong commitment and it's your decision, so changing your mindset to accept what you thought was an error might help you to find that the other half is not so bad after all.

i can't say that for my career though.

念

难得个礼拜日清晨

睡意最浓之时辰

却因工作爬起身

天未破晓就出门

路上寥寥无几人

天色黯淡雨纷纷

气温更是异常冷

不禁想起去年十月份

同是细雨纷飞的早晨

某处高原某县某个城

某家客栈某某人

与我分享温馨友情餐一顿

立即抵制高原的寒冷

心中一直无比的感恩

真想马上能动身

立即往那儿走一程

重游美景探故人

还要寻回在那儿丢失了的。。

我的魂

What's happening?

Few days back, the few red notes that i've just drawn from the ATM mysteriously disappeared from my pocket within an hour. Checked and rechecked, there ain't any holes in the pocket.

Yesterday, the $200 vouchers i had just received mysteriously disappeared from my backpack within an hour. Checked and rechecked, there ain't any holes in my backpack.

Yesternight, applied hair shampoo on my face instead of the facial cleanser, inexplicably. Checked and rechecked, still uncertain if there're holes in my skull.

This afternoon, my faithful Casio that had served me so well for the past decade without ever a problem with accuracy finally ticked its last tick, and it did not even give any warning that it was leaving me for good....

Tears are rolling in my eyes, what's happening, what's happening? maybe, just maybe, someone would pop out right now and give me a pat on my shoulder, saying : "Hey, look, you've been on [JUST FOR GAGS] this past half a year! "

The secret of her joy

There she was, seated on a wheelchair, at that busy traffic junction with a knitted cap on her head, (yea,even on this hot humid afternoon), with packs of tissues in her hand, singing in a strange high and loud pitch, a song i could not quite make out, but with a joy in her spirit i would not have mistaken. As i stood from a distance observing her, i noticed her singing would be accompanied by a swaying movement of her upper body, as if thoroughly enjoying herself, and frequently interjected by phrases of "Sir/Madam, help me" in Mandarin to passers-by.

She was once a subject of hot discussion on the internet after some young punks took a video clip of her strange singing and then posted it on the net and made fun of her. The young punks eventually apologised after a tirade from netizens who blasted their callousness. This was all reported in TNP.

And so, i recognised her instantly when i saw her. i vaguely remembered the article mentioning about her poor health, and the many problems that plagued her, yet she has maintained an undaunting cheerful spirit and a very forgiving heart, not at all angry with the punks for making fun of her. And as i took the packs of tissues from her, her genuine cheerful smile touched me and i wondered how could anyone in her state still be in such a cheerful mood?

i was still wondering about this when i finished my meal at the food centre and as i took one of the pack of tissues out to wipe my face, i noticed a note stuck to the bottom of the pack. On it was printed in both English and Mandarin :

i've heard so many sermons preaching that: we, as believers should in all circumstances, especially in trials and tribulations trust in the Lord, to know that no trouble is bigger than He who created the universe; that He who loves us so much as to die for our sins at the cross would not hesitate to provide and to deliver us from all evil; all we need to do is to trust and have faith in all His promises.....

For me, it's not quite so easy, like Elijah's servants, i tend to always see only the enemies but not the army of angels that were all the while there......

Like the willow that sways easily....
i'm a long way to having faith even the size of a mustard seed.

But i believe, the secret of the lady's joyful spirit is that like all the people mentioned in the hall of faith in Hebrews chapter 11, she has complete trust and faith in God's word and promises, which is the key to let His miracles manisfest in our lives.

The joy of the LORD is her strength



诗篇Psalms 33 : 18-19

耶和华的眼目，看顾敬畏他的人，和仰望他慈爱的人，要救他们的命，脱离死亡，并使他们在饥荒中存活。

But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear Him, on whose hope is in His unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine

神眷顾GOD CARES

茶煲

That trouble caused by that troublesome sibling
again resurface to trouble us
at this most troublesome time,
affecting our plans.

Lord, am i on o.m.o?
are you not with me?
in your mercy,
kindly remove the root of the trouble,
or the trouble
or else, the troubled.

for i'm
knocked out,
shagged out,
worn out
by all the mini storms these past half a year.



i've never troubled trouble but why does trouble always trouble me?

下半年，肯定会，一定会，一定要。。。更好哦！
茶煲请远离我！

猪八嫂

我们这儿有位食堂的助手阿嫂整天和我一样板着个黑脸。

“一个整天脸臭臭的人背后可能有着她的辛酸史吧？”

我排对买食物的时候心里是这样有感而发的想的。

但是，她却对我前面的那位英俊男生笑了，而且笑得裂开了黄黄的牙齿（最近比较注意别人的牙）。

男生给了她一张大钞，她嗲声嗲气的告诉男生说没零钱找，还问男生是否会再来光顾，如果是就待下回来时才付账吧！结果男生还是掏了零钱给她，她又嗲声腼腆的说“我喜欢零钱啦！”

站在男生后面的我原本也握着张大钞，看到这种情形也赶紧从口袋里挖了零钱好给她，岂料轮到我时她又是黑着个脸，即使我给她的是零钱。。。

然后我向她要了叁岜辣椒，她竟狠狠地蹬了我一眼，接着情不甘意不愿地把那罐密藏在冰箱里的辣椒“砰”的一声放到我面前。

这180 度的转变让我对她的心理状况产生了一点兴趣，我想知道我什么地方开罪她了呀？

于是我坐在一旁观察着：发现了她虽然一般是保持着黑脸，但是对着某些男人，尤其年轻或长得稍微可以的男人她是以笑脸迎人的，而且态度就是那样180度的转变：比如大多数人向她讨点汁淋饭时，她都有怨言，但对‘某些’男生她会自动问“要不要淋汁”！噁!

结论：

原来猪八戒在这偏僻的山丘上留了个后人哦！


（以上所提属真人真事，若有开罪言语乃本人之罪过，善哉善哉。）

房子，抱歉！

亲爱的房子

离开大学宿舍时开始

已盼哪年哪月哪一日

领取钥匙当上你主子

日盼夜盼盼到你

原有一脑子主意

把你设成度假休闲地

然装潢虽不算华丽

但琐碎事项一点滴

预算时候做统计

费用竟是一大笔

今年口袋不争气

频频受挫遭打击

装修预算需调低

计划无奈得放弃

未能如愿实可惜

说声抱歉对不起

往后相处日子里

慢慢尽力补偿你

愿你让我好歇息

保持家中常和气

若能于我愿足矣

感谢上帝感谢你！

吞下去

嚼食牙会痛
牙痛嚼不动
纵使牙没用
肚子不能空

吞下去
唯有吞下去：
青菜肉类或豆米
整片整块或整粒
一件一件吞下去


即使会便秘
乐可舒一粒
应该没问题

吞下去

身处黑洞中
受困飞不动
挣扎亦没用
口袋不能空

吞下去
唯有吞下去：
不平无理或怨气
所有一切不如意
一样一样吞下去

闭上眼，免得眼睛会刺痛
塞住耳，事不关己不要懂
别开腔，免得声音太激动
关心门，别让心情更沉重

吞下去
一日一日熬下去。。。

My Tooth Sayang! Ouch ! Ouch! Ouch!

Oh Tooth Sayang !
Why are you so garang!

What have you been cracking?
That sent your walls wrecking?

Causing pain that stretches from jaw to ear
Turning the joy of makan into torture

Sayang, be prepared for this blow:
Your root and nerve will have to go
A protective crown will be put on but even so,
my sayang, your survival rate is low

Without the cracks, it'd be 90% success rate
Now, just a mere 50%, the rest is up to fate

I can't take it if an implant is eventually still required
I can't bear it, to see my sayang kena extracted

So, sayang, stand strong, beneath the crown
Don't add to my face another frown

Life has been frustrating enough
So, cells, organs, bones, teeth, you must be tough

Stay healthy to keep the docs and dentists away
Forking out the fees, sigh! is no child's play
Consultation & x-ray is $108 today
Pulpectomy tomorrow another $150 to pay
That's still not counting the root canal that's gonna be in $.??.K
Looks like my pockets too, will soon decay !


屋漏偏逢连夜雨
Lamenting while waiting in pain for 2hrs for pulpectomy, the pain relief treatment. Sadly after 2 hrs, i still don't get a slot. As i've got to get back to the dungeon, i''ve no choice but to go back for the pulpectomy tomorrow. I was told the earliest date available for the root canal treatment is one and a half months later and if i were a subsidised patient, i might even have to wait for a year or so!!! Looking at the number of people waiting this morning to see the dentists at the national dental center,(many are youths), i think an intensive education on oral health is urgently required in our school curriculum