if i had effected better coordination, if i had regulated the situation, he probably would not have been distracted, then it would not have happened. It was very close, and all of us who saw it were speechless, not daring to suggest anything at that instant; he must have have been stunned and stumped too. i know how it felt, i had a similar experience before.The closeness of the situation, the thought that if the warning had not come from a third party,the amount of lives that could have been lost, is traumatic enough, to me,a bystander, i can't imagine how he feels right now. Maybe, with his seniority and experience, he has more strength than me to handle it. i wanted to apologise to him, for loading him with too many distractions, thereby contributing to the shocking situation, but i've been advised not too, so, now i'm bearing an uneasy heart, filled with guilt.
Guilt, weighs heavily upon those who feel they are responsible for a bad situation, especially if resulting in a bad situation that could not be salvaged. In trying to ease my guilt, i reiterate the lyrics of Adam Cheng's 笑看风云 in my heart, i tell myself that i am but human, that i have not graduated from the University of Life,but merely taking lessons each day,that there are bound to be wrong decisions made, actions i'll feel guilty about or things i'll regret about that could not be salvaged. i have to learn from my inadequacies, my failures, my errors and hopefully not repeat them.
Right now,i seek solace in the lyrics of this song.
and also dedicating it to 老大，老邻居 and Encik陈 ：
笑看风云-黄霑词；郑少秋唱
誰沒有一些刻骨銘心事
誰能預計後果
誰沒有一些舊恨心魔
一點點無心錯
誰沒有一些得不到的夢
誰人負你負我多
誰願意解釋為了甚麼
一笑已經風雲過
活得開心 心不記恨
為今天歡笑唱首歌
任胸襟吸收新的快樂
在晚風中敝開心鎖
誰願記滄桑匆匆往事
誰人是對是錯
從沒有解釋為了甚麼
一笑看風雲過
笑看風雲變
誰能跳過無形界線
規則法理充斥世界千萬年
誰能賜我無窮勸勉
將我路線一生志向改變
從來無後悔
現實我改變
休說蒼天註定
堅決跨過目前
命運那許虧欠
迎面暴雨縱使不倖免
亦笑著置身長路看風雲變
