Saw the video playback this morning, didn't expect myself to, but was actually very taken aback when i heard from the audio my own voice giving the fatal instruction at the most unbelievable moment, when the two were almost 'kissing'.
WHY ? WHY? WHY ? coudn't explain it , though the kind DYCS who was sitting next to me, tried to help me find a reason for my 'terrible' act.
When i walked out of the playback room, i was once again shaken, found my head a little giddy and was glad i made it up the steps to fresh air. i guess i have blocked out quite a lot of what actually happened the last few days and the horror of the reality woke and shook me again. DYCS offered to arrange for counselling again but i declined.
Went to sit at the lobby to calm down, and in came the guys and girls who have returned from lunch. They have planned something for me tomorrow night to help me destress but before the kind girl could finish her sentence, my tears which have been rolling in my eyes, fell uncontrollably. Thanked them and told them to leave me alone. i guess it was the last straw...to realise again how kind God has been to me, when death was so near His saving hand moved, when i was shaken, support came from up and around,...the amount of grace pouring unto me, i do not deserve it. I am touched.
i shall be alright, in fact felt much better already. Thank you people, once again.
WHY ? WHY? WHY ? coudn't explain it , though the kind DYCS who was sitting next to me, tried to help me find a reason for my 'terrible' act.
When i walked out of the playback room, i was once again shaken, found my head a little giddy and was glad i made it up the steps to fresh air. i guess i have blocked out quite a lot of what actually happened the last few days and the horror of the reality woke and shook me again. DYCS offered to arrange for counselling again but i declined.
Went to sit at the lobby to calm down, and in came the guys and girls who have returned from lunch. They have planned something for me tomorrow night to help me destress but before the kind girl could finish her sentence, my tears which have been rolling in my eyes, fell uncontrollably. Thanked them and told them to leave me alone. i guess it was the last straw...to realise again how kind God has been to me, when death was so near His saving hand moved, when i was shaken, support came from up and around,...the amount of grace pouring unto me, i do not deserve it. I am touched.
i shall be alright, in fact felt much better already. Thank you people, once again.
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