人生告别会

小时候家门前一小片空草地，马来同胞会在那儿办婚宴，华族同胞会在那儿办丧事和农历七月的于兰盆节， 在同一片小空地上有时候是喜事丧事轮流办着。 因为场地就在我家门前，我在某天打开门可能看到的是笑得甜蜜打扮隆重的新人，听到的是欢腾喜庆的鼓声， 隔几天后也可能看到的是哭得红肿的一双双眼睛， 听到的是让人心碎的嚎哭或诵经声。所以，在很小的时候我就思考着结合与离别， 生与死的矛盾。

刚出来工作后的好几年，频频参加的是亲朋的喜宴。
到了人生现阶段，参加的却是朋友、亲戚或他们亲人的丧礼。
老实说，有好几个亲友或他们的家人， 走的时候年纪都不大，走的时候也没机会留下什么话，留给家人亲友许多遗憾和悲伤， 而我奔完这几个丧的心情也很沉重， 也会连想很多事。。。

我希望我走的时候没有任何人难过， 没有任何人遗憾，更没有人生气 包括我自己。

前阵子看了电影‘非常勿扰2’， 很有意思， 开场就是对男女很隆重的的婚礼- （离婚典礼）， 后段竟是这男子的丧礼 or,as it is called in the movie----人生告别会。

我很喜欢‘人生告别会’那一段：男子知道自己患了绝症后，用剩下的日子尽力做了想做的事，处理了该处理的事，交待了该交待的事。 然后让好友为他举办一个‘活人的丧礼’-----男子的人生告别会。

告别会当天， 到场的亲友其实都以为是凭吊死了的男子， 知道男子还没死却时日无多后， 大家亦哭亦笑地听着男子的好友的致词。 好友就像在一般凭吊会上分享与缅怀着男子人生中走过的点点滴滴，以轻松陶侃却感人的方法表达了他们的情谊，接着 男子也亲自将心里想说的话都说了，和我们每个人一样，男子也曾给过亲友快乐、担心与麻烦， 也结过怨也结下缘， 也犯了些无法改变的遗憾事，在他最后的告别话里，他把想道的歉道了， 想谢的人也谢了。
之后，大家一起开香槟为男子‘庆祝’他走过的人生，跟着亲友一个个轮流走到男子面前对男子说了心理头的告别话， 最后，男子坚强的小女儿给父亲念了一首感性的诗。
这场告别会让男子与爱他的人和他所爱的人在他临终前都能够画上圆满的句号。我真很喜欢这段， 我觉得丧礼就应该如此，留下的只有回忆而不是悲痛或自责或连串的问号。 当然能预知自己大约所剩多少日子 ， 而且还有时间和机会去完成心愿和举办自己的丧礼确是一种福， 也不是每个人都能有的。对于那些没机会好好与所爱的人告别的，以下在片子中小女儿为男子所念的诗或许有所安慰？

你见 或者不见我
我 就在那里
不悲 不喜
你念 或者不念我
情 就在那里
不来 不去

你爱 或者不爱我
爱 就在那里
不增 不减
你跟 或者不跟我
我的手 就在你手里
不舍 不弃
来 我的怀里
或者 让我住进你的心理
默然 相爱
寂静 欢喜
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

可是我最喜欢的还是片尾的那首歌词， 那首歌叫“最好不相见”， 歌词改编自六世达赖喇嘛仓央嘉措的十戒诗。 为什么喜欢，因为歌词的境界是‘心无牵挂便无痛无伤’。 六世达赖喇嘛是历代喇嘛中被称为情圣的多情男子， 他在二十几岁就逝世了，但生前常因为多情而为情所困， 甚至为情而放下袈裟，不想当达赖。 他写下这首诗时，想必是因身经百伤后深深体会情伤才有感而发吧？

歌名：最好不相见
词：仓央嘉措
曲：栾树

最好不相见
便可不相恋

最好不相知
便可不相思

最好不相伴
便可不相欠

最好不相惜
便可不相忆

最好不相爱
便可不相弃

最好不相对
便可不相负

最好不相许
便可不相续

但曾相见便相知， 相见何如不见时
安得与君决绝， 免教生死相思

最好不相依
便可不相偎

最好不相遇
便可不相聚

人生有几个十年

此时此刻,脑海里响着港剧‘巾帼枭雄’里柴九哥的名句“人生有几多个十年？”

2010年的今天，是我人生其中一个十年的最后一天，回顾这个十年，地球转了几个圈？世界又经历了多少事？911恐怖袭击、种族冲突暴力事件、SARS 、金融风暴、大地震、大海啸、东方经济的崛起，西方经济的危机、电子网络的伸张力与影响、etc 。改变了多少人的十年。。。。。

这十年来，在我们的弹丸小国里，我们的建国功臣们一个个的离世、蜂拥而来的是一群群的新移民、消失的是小市民的小生意、无处不在的是大财团经营的连锁店、十年间物价楼价暴涨、赌场、主题乐园开张、宗教领袖/慈善机构/教育界人士频频丑闻爆出。。。。。地球在转， 世界在变，道德观念在变。。。。

在我狭小的宇宙里，这十年间我和家人因不同原因各自轮流出入医院接受治疗，这十年间我的几位年龄相近的朋友在非自然情况下离开了人间，这十年间从小看着我长大的几位亲人也相继病逝，这十年间，我不停思考着人死后去了哪里的问题，思考着人生的意义何在？ 珍惜今生或虚度此生结局都不是一样吗？
这十年间，我看到了我的心迅速由血红染成乌黑，感觉到它由热转冷。这十年我的人生观念一直往负面行驶。。
我从一个半信神存在的主意者变成一个全心相信神的信徒到今天完全不信人不信神的一个形尸走肉 。。。十年真的不短，很多人都有了一番作为，我算是蹉跎了光阴， 这十年，我的人生可以三句词总结：
1：因循怠惰
2：心灰意冷
3：心事无成

因循怠惰是我上中一华文第一课时所学的一句成语，今天深深的领悟它的意思。一天推一天的坏习惯让我养成了惰性，所以很多该做的事十几年来一直都拖着，惰性会让人从自动到被动到不动，慢慢的每一件需费心劳力的事都不太想做，心变得心灰意冷后就更加提不起劲做。
现在的我超懒，对人生没有什么期待。原本我活着的推动力是旅游，现在连我最喜欢的旅游也几乎难起推动力了。其实我已没有什么地方如果没去就会死不瞑目的了，人生对我来说现阶段真的毫无意义，活着只是为了履行责任。工作只是为了糊口。可以奋斗的一段黄金时段我已蹉跎掉了， 现在我已没理想没劲没心没力了。
我的人生还会有几个十年？ 不知道。不过不要太多吧， 我不敢想象怎么继续挨过十年又十年不能想象再几个十年后， 我到风烛残年时这个国家由什么样的人管治、这个社会变成什么样子、我又怎么活下去？

世间气煞事，唯我独遇上

1。花了45分钟车程到公司指定的其中一家诊疗所做听力测验，印籍外劳员工说听力图仪器故障，不知何时才能修好， 叫我到公司指定的另一家诊所去。气煞。

2。另一家诊所是坐落在我从没去过的机场路的ST Medical Services.同事替我问了路线， 我又花了近一小时的时间坐地铁搭巴士到了峇亚里巴空军基地旁的车站。 司机指了空军基地旁的方向，说那里就是我要去的地方。从车站望过去，没看到ST Medical 的牌子， 只看到一栋蓝色建筑物， 上面标着大大的 RSAF Aeromedical Services。不过走到蓝色建筑物停车场外有两个指示牌，一个是RSAF Aeromedical Services， 另一个是ST Medical Services 都是指着同一栋楼， 而楼外坐了个阿兵小弟， 远看应该是守卫， 看似所有访客都须登记，还得用证件交换通行证。我走向前问阿兵小弟ST Medical是不是在他身后的那栋楼里， 他说不是，那里是Aeromedical Services， 不是什么ST Medical,也不知ST Medical在哪里， 还问我是不是找错地方。这时我已经透过他身后的玻璃门看到在离他少过2m的墙上标着大大的ST Medical Services 字样。 我告诉他并让他往身后看看， 他却看也不看地说：“but we only have RSAF Aeromedical Services here, we call it Aero Medical, not ST !"

气煞！

我问他那我可以进入楼内吗？ 他说可以。 我正要推开玻璃门进楼时想起可能要登记，就问他我需要登记吗？ 他说要，然后就看着我， 我又问他那需要换通行证吗? 他说需要。 又看着我。 我说需要以什么证件交换?身份证行不行？ 他说行。 唉！到底谁才是守卫啊？ 我问一句他答一句， 我不问的话可能都没登记就走进去了呢。

3。下午， 去Singtel Hello 店续约买手机， 又是个印籍员工。 不知是我倒霉或是她办事能力差， 搞了近25分钟都没能把我的资料输入公司网络， 她说不知为什么网络速度很慢，她的同事却说其他的人都没问题。 于是她移到另外一台电脑去，又花了颇长一段时间后才输入资料，叫我在电子版上签名， 却没像其他员工那样向顾客讲解合约内容， 或让顾客看一下电脑里的合约内容再签。我把电脑移到我能看到的方向并要求她讲解合约的内容， 她却随随便便指了两行来说，却没说明我到底要付多少钱。我在签约之前要她讲明。因为今天有促销， 如果续约再签上一个Broadband on Mobile Data bundle 就能再得到$100的折扣，我之前问了她说我是签了旧约12个月后， 未满21个月又续约的，不知是否也能享有这$100折扣，她说可以。我问她那本来$68的手机， 我再签这个bundle后最终得付多少钱？ 她竟然说$0 ! 我提醒她我是在旧约未满21个月时续约的， 需要加付 $100, 所以不可能$0。 被我一言惊醒梦中的她从新在纸上写了68+100-100然后告诉我我需要付的总数是$68。 我问她是否肯定。 她说是的， 我签了名后，她就拆了手机包装拿出里面的手机和配件给我检查， 接着就带我去收银处放下手机让我付钱。

收银处的另外一名外国员工却告诉我我必须付的不是$68, 而是$100 ！ 因为促销的$100折扣只能用于扣除手机的$68原价而不包括$100的加付费。 她把那位印籍员工叫来向我解释， 而那位员工就说她之前搞错了，我的确应该付$100而不是$68。 我心里很不高兴， 如果早知我多签一个24月的配套只能得到$68 的折扣，我可能不会签， 但我更可能做的是多付$38选另外一款更新，功能更好而原价才$138的手机， 而不是付$100买这台两年前推出的旧款了。我想起已经签了约，手机包装也拆了， 要换手机或毁约可能要闹一阵而且也不一定成功，但肯定会更生气，所以我很生气地付了$100走了。

4。回到家里， 我楼上那户印族人家， 不知为什么，每天下午5点至6点半之间总会在主人房的厕所附近如打地基般地猛力敲地板，似乎要将我房间的顶给敲破。 我忍了快半年了，没上去找他们理论是因为我曾经碰过非常蛮不讲理兼狠毒的一对印族夫妇，他们当时的行为让我看到他们那种人是没道理可讲，而且更会狠毒地恶人先告状地诅咒别人， 像我这种人， 讲理讲不过，吵架吵不赢， 如果找他们理论大可能他们会更变本加厉，住在楼下的我总是吃亏的。 我今天心情超不好，我也从窗户外向上喊了几句咒骂的话， 但被他们的敲打声盖掉了。我很想拿把菜刀上去砍破他们的门， 砍断那个敲击者的手和头。我想我快疯了， 被气疯了！ 

世间气煞事， 唯我独遇上。

累毙了

拖着疲惫的身躯回到家，老爸问我明天也值下午班吗？我没好气回他说：明天休日，再做就死人啦！
的确， 度过了精神紧张身心疲惫的一天后，感觉细胞死了一大半，如果连续再这么下去， 我可能活不过明年。
今天is not my day. 工作到感觉实在应付不来的时候发了几声求救声，先来了一个人， 站了一会什么也没做就开，我再向另外一个求救， 他站在我旁边好久就是不知道怎么帮忙。我隔壁坐了个外劳，和我特别没默契， 结果在百忙中警声响了两回，让我分了心后发现是虚惊两场，接着某位不专心的客人又厌烦的让我重复刚说过的话，又再次分了心，然后我竟差点让某贵宾发生事故，捏了好大把冷汗。事后老大说还好不算危机，但处理上的确不妥，后来又听说那位要我重复说话的客人来电投诉说被耽搁近半小时，不爽。
一小时内发生了那么多事，我想我很快又要去喝咖啡了，其实喝多了也就都麻木了， 只是我想我越来越不能应付日益俱增的工作量了，但愿别又碰上没默契/团体精神的伙伴，不然真会死人的。

Thumbs down to

Thumbs down to the Manila police force and the so called "S.W.A.T" team;

i watched with appall the hostage crisis yesterday in Manila live from CNA from 1915LT to ~2100LT and can understand why negative criticisms of the Manila police and task force have been pouring in fiercely from all over. Even though i reminded myself that we who were sitting at home knew not what problems those facing the situation have to put up with should not criticize unless we've walked a few miles in their shoes, i couldn't help but feel frustrated when i saw the sluggish and shameful behavior of the Manila task force during the rescue mission.

i pulled my hair looking at how they foolishly tried to smash the windows and rear door with what the police chief director admitted was the only tool that they had in the inventory at that time for the job - sledgehammers, that ultimately did not do a good job and might even have caused more harm to the hostages; the question in my head at that point of time was: wouldn't this further agitate the already agitated and desperate gunman? i read that some who had watched earlier footage saw there were a few opportunities earlier when the police could have shot the gunman point blank when he stood in view near the door but they did not do so.

And so i pulled more hair when the police continued to laboriously hammer through the glass of the front door with the pathetic sledgehammer and then tried to yank it off by childishly tying a thin piece of rope/string around the middle portion of the door which, obviously would not work. i think i don't have to walk a few miles in their shoes to figure that before attempting.

i bit my lips when more and more gunshots were heard from inside the bus and the police were retreating and then behaving like blinded flies,with no apparent plans.

After more police arrived and after throwing in a tear gas grenade into the bus through one of the broken windows,i couldn't believe it when i saw the 'special task force' team squeezing into the tear gas- filled bus without proper masks and were so obviously choked that they had to rush out of the bus, but not without first firing some shots through the smoky interior and drawing the gunman to fire in return; now, the question in my head then was :in such a smoky environment, could the police have seen clearly before they open fire? Could more hostages have been shot accidentally due to misfire or by the gunman during the retaliation?

The gunman's body eventually slumped out of the front door, shot, officially by the police, though i wonder if he actually shot himself. Despite what he had done, i can't help but feel a tinge of pity for him. He must have felt deep grievances which he felt were not addressed. His mental state was probably already pushed to extremes when he resorted to something so desperate to capture the attention of the world. The fact that he had released some hostages earlier, as well as asked for food for the remaining hostages and petrol to keep the air condition running appeared to me he had not meant to kill the hostages from the start. What apparently triggered the firing was the breakdown of the negotiation process when he saw his brother arrested. i'm shocked to read today that the police are prosecuting the gunman's brother, also a police officer who was present at the scene to speak to the gunman during the negotiation process, for allegedly conspiring with the gunman in this hostage business and for triggering the firing that followed. If he were to be prosecuted, then the gunman's superiors and the team who had acted so bizarrely throughout the crisis should all be prosecuted !!!

Thumbs down to President Aquino

Where was he throughout the long ordeal ? Comfortably in his palace, yet, could not be reached by Donald Tsang, the HK chief.

According to The Nation, Mr Aquino explained:"We were going to wait him out. The idea was to let the ground commanders who are the experts in this field handle the operation with minimal interference from people who are less expert." and went on to blame the media coverage as well as the presence of the gunman's brother for the tragic twist of events.

Well, it seemed that his trusted 'experts' in the field ain't no experts after all, and Mr President, if the experts themselves did not handle the situation in a satisfying manner, how could you blame the media who were not in the first place banned from being there? or the poor brother who was trying to help his desperate kin? Please look at the incompetency of your government,yourself and your securities force and wipe off that idiotic grin/irking smile from your face if you were at all sincere in offering your condolences,it's not a funny matter! Even though you obviously do not deserve any respect yourself, do respect the lives of others!

With so many presidents past and present that seemed no better than each other and corruption and crime known to be rife throughout all levels amongst those in power and authority, i feel sorry for the people of that nation. But msot of all, my heart goes to those whose loved ones had died unnecessarily in this tragedy which surely could have been averted if the authorities had handled it with more seriousness and brains. As i watched one of the lady survivors whose husband died during the shootout, relating brokenheartedly how she had thought of dying with her husband but only dismissed the thought after remembering that at least one of the parents must live to take care of their kids,(unfortunately she had to discover later that 2 of her daughters had also died in the shootout) my tears flowed, imagine a family vacation turning into such a lurid nightmare.

i have not and would not wish to travel to the Philippines despite its luring beaches and underwater paradise. i'm not surprised that their tourism industry will suffer further after this tragedy and should rightly be so to hopefully push their government/people to look more seriously into their mounting problems. i've been to and would not mind travelling again to other places that may not be the safest on earth: Kashmir, Pakistan, Xinjiang, the middle east and all the other ASEAN countries,

as for Philippines?

Kudos to

Kudos and thumbs up to the coolest and most charistmatic girl players of the first YOG table tennis : North Korea's Kim Song I and Singapore's Isabelle Li SY!!! Up against the same formidable and strong opponent, they kept their composure well throughout the games and fought with steel and charm. I especially liked Kim Song I who seemed to enjoy the game more than being bothered with the scores. Coming from NK, her smiley disposition is a pleasant surprise to me and a vast difference from her belligerent senior, the 2004 Olympic silver medalist Kim Hyang Mi, maybe because she's still a kid at heart.
I do hope to see these ladies in the future Olympic games and may they remain as charismatic and cool as ever.

北疆夏之旅-赛里木湖美丽的早晨 Beautiful morning by Lake Salimu

经过日前风雨的洗涤，赛里木湖的早晨阳光明媚，清爽的空气中感到丝丝阳光的温暖，花儿笑得灿烂，景色让人心旷神怡；
真希望每个人生在每场风雨后都能有美好的前景在等候着。。